The Kpako’s Guide to Life as a Short Person Disclaimer: No short person was harmed in the making of this guide. Being short is often equated to being born a Nigerian. There’s nothing you can do, you’re already disadvantaged from the get-go. Some might ask, why is a tall person…

The Kpako’s Guide to Surviving The Gym If you’ve been looking at your (big) stomach with disdain and thinking “Maybe I should sign up for the gym,” then you have come to the right place. I’ll assume you have thought a lot about it and you are prepared to start…

Dear Ivie. Dear Ivie, I am running out of things to do. I have successfully counted the ceiling boards in this room more times than I can remember and told the man beside me to shut up in my head over and over again. …

The Kpako’s Guide to Surviving Oshodi Oshodi is very infamous for having some of the best pickpockets in Lagos. Skilled experts who are so good that by the time you realize they’ve stolen your phone, your Bluetooth dewise is already singing "Lo Lo Lo" instead of "Loadin." At Oshodi, everyone…

The Kpako's Guide to Life as a Tall Person Most people think being tall is the ultimate flex of evolution. …

Forgetting You There’s something dangerous about my love for you that makes me feel like a carefree moth, joyously flying into fiery red flames. If only you knew how much my eyes light up when you call my name, you would feel sorry for me. Sometimes I ask myself, “What…

The Kpakos Guide to Surviving Amala For the longest of times, I detested Amala and I was labelled a "hater" by everyone who heard of my disdain for the atrocity. …

The Kpako’s Guide to Surviving Lagos Agents *Disclaimer: Not all house agents are terrible and are out to rip you off , you might get a good one after meeting useless ones of course.(I’ve met about three good ones out of thirteen). …

I saw her again. She wore that little black dress which she had on every night. The way it hugged her body tight was just right. …